To say the least, this was a difficult assignment. I had been warned that the 13-year-old boy that I was to tutor was “ungovernable” – and he certainly was when I arrived in the house! 

The principal problem was that his parents fought continuously, shouting at each other most of the time and it was an appalling atmosphere for a child – Sonak was an only child – to be brought up in. He was belligerent, bad-tempered, lazy and obstreperous; I had been warned of all this when I was given the job. 

Of course, at first he resented my presence and made me feel very unwelcome. I slowly tried to get him to stop his outbursts of rage and for some reason, probably because I never got angry with him or showed any kind of frustration, he came to respect me. If he shouted at his parents, they shouted back. 

My problem was exacerbated by the fact that each of his parents tried to spoil him when they were alone with him, each of them hoping to get him on their side against the other. I never raised my voice, never got angry with him, but patiently sat out his tantrums, little by little gaining his confidence until he clearly came to respect me. But I was always very firm with him and got him to understand that, if he ran amok, he was going to have to pay for it in some way. I was very strict, but in a gentle way. 

His mother felt that I was being too strict with him and told me to be more forgiving; I explained that if I went back on my word, my authority over Sonak would be diminished and my job would be made much more difficult. Finally, one day, she started shouting at me and telling me that they wished that they had never employed me as I was far too strict with him and I was doing him no good. 

In fact I was doing Sonak a great deal of good and his father could see that. Fortunately his father, after an enormous row (luckily not in front of me) prevailed and managed to persuade his wife that I was a very good influence on their son. 

Slowly I managed, without criticising his parents, to make Sonak understand that the way in which his parents spoke to each was neither normal nor acceptable. After a few months Sonak became a really rather fine young man and he came to accept his parents’ rows once he could separate himself from their problems. 

I have kept in touch with Sonak and he is really a changed boy. He is now doing well, after the eight month absence from school when I was tutoring him. His headmaster was kind enough to write to me to say that he is a different person now. MN